her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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