omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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