i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
