dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
