I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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