How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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