I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
sick fucks of a feather flock together
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
