We're like a lot better than the average bears
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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