Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
