I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
