Swine flu. Run for my life!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
