Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
