Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
