Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
