Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
