Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
