She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
