Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
