i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
