We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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