i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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