I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
