I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
