You just made me feel so damn special
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
