Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
