It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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