Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
