i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
