Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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