I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You pole danced in your parka.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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