I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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