no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
