youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
