Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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