I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
