I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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