Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
