I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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