Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
