He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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