Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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