Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
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St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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