i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
