look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
