i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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