The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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