I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
NoShamevember. You game?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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