I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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