Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
