no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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