I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
