I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
well you can't waste a boner
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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