guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
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He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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