There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
