Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
