she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
