I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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