Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
