My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
